Today I went to get a haircut. I get my haircut at a place called Dramatics NYC, where all the employees go by made up names. For example, in the past I have had my hair cut by Sparkle or Allure. One of the receptionists is named Fire. The problem is that if you tell someone you have an appointment with Saphire, it sounds like you are heading off to a brothel.
I feel pretty silly referring to these people by their Dramatics NYC approved alias. "Hello, I'd like to make an appointment with Allure?" I find myself saying into the phone. I would use Allure's real name but I don't know it. They must force their employees to take a vow of secrecy regarding their real names because I have yet to hear someone mess up and say, "Hey Deb...I mean "Intoxication"... do you have any Pomade?"
I often think about how a certain situation might be misunderstood if presented in a court of law. What if I was on trial for something and the prosecutor, in an attempt to attack my character said, "Is it true that for several years you kept appointments with a woman named "Seduction?" I would attempt to explain, "Well..." The prosecutor would interrupt, "Yes or no, Mr. Paulson." "Ah, yes, that is true. But it wasn't just her. I also met with Allure and Sparkle."
One night at a performance of mine, I saw Sparkle in the audience. I had invited her to the show, but didn't actually think she would make it. I was so grateful that she came. I wanted to make sure I said thank you to her. After the show I saw her from across the theatre lobby, just about to exit. I yelled, "Hey Sparkle!" She turned around and gave me this look that said, "Please, don't ever call me that in public." The thing is, I don't know her real name. And when I think about it, I have been calling her Sparkle for so long that using her real name, whether it's Barbara or Shelly or Kate, just wouldn't seem right.
