The Only Real One-Person Show is Jesus

Last summer I performed my show "Pentecostal Wisconsin" in Maine. The director of the theatre had insisted that we have a "talkback" after the show so that the audience could ask questions about the topic or the process of creating a solo show. So I do the show and the audience seemed to really enjoy it. Then I head back out onstage and have seat as the director of the theatre joins me onstage to start the talk-back. He asked me a few questions about the working on the show. Standard stuff. How long did it take? What was the process like? After I answer those questions, he opens the floor to the audience. Right away I see this woman in the audience raise her hand. And she doesn't look happy. In fact, she looks rather pissed. This strikes me as odd, because talk-backs aren't usually that intense. It's just an informal time to chat. The director calls and the woman and she says, "Well, Jesus is my personal savior..." (why do born-again people find it neccessary to add the personal part? Would anything think they were saying that Jesus is the savior in general, but not theirs?) Anyway, when she says that Jesus is her personal savior I have a moment of extreme optimism where I imagine that she is about to say, "...and even though I am a Christian, I loved the show! Great job!" I actually have have had people say that they were religious but still enjoyed the show. But, that is not the direction she was headed. She continues, "I was completely offended. You need to think about what you are doing and, as a fellow Christian, I have to advise you to rewrite the ending to glorify god. And another thing, the pregnant girl should marry the baby's father even though he got several other women pregnant because that is what God would want and then they should both get saved. And everyone in this theatre needs to get saved. Oh, and one more thing. THE ONLY REAL ONE-PERSON SHOW IS JESUS." That was quite a statement. I for one had no idea that Jesus had a one-person show. Then again, I wanted to question the validity of Jesus claiming to be one person when of course we all know that Jesus is a part of God and God, being the Trinity, is actually 3 in 1 so, wouldn't that be a 3 person show? The thing that really pissed me off was that she tried to guilt me into changing the show by using the "fellow Christian" line. I am not a Christian. That is how I was raised, but not who I am anymore, which is obvious being that I have written a whole show about leaving the church. To see someone trying to use that Christian guilt on me again really made me angry. However, I decided to take a rational approach, thanking her for her comments and telling her that she was free to feel however she wanted but that I will not change the show and am simply telling about my experience with this particular brand of fundamentalism. Looking back on it, I recognize the situation she was in because I used to share her beliefs. I am sure that she felt a lot of pressure about having to "make a stand for Jesus." And I am sure that it was impossible for her to appreciate the show on any level or enjoy any part of it simply because she knew that Jesus wouldn't be happy and she needed to make sure to stick up for him once she had the chance. It's a lot of weight to bear, having to stick up for Jesus all the time. I think fundamentalists should realize that if God is everything they say he is, he certainly doesn't need humans to defend him all the time. He's a big boy. He can take care of himself. Of course, this woman felt she had to make a big statement. So once I was finished responding she stormed out of the theatre, even refusing the director's offer to refund her money. I think she should have gotten the refund and used it towards tickets for Jesus. After all, Jesus is the only real one-person show.