Thursday, February 22, 2007

Pentecostal Wisconsin Podcast #1 - February 25, 2007 - People Who Think I'm Going to Hell

As an ex-pentecostal who now uses my pentecostal background as a source for comedic material, I often hear from people who tell me that I am going to hell. In this debut episode of my podcast I talk about the following people who think I am going to hell. -People on MySpace -My father -A crazy woman in Maine This episode also includes a recording of my rendition of "Jesus Loves the Little Children."

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Thursday, February 15, 2007

I Only Touch Leather Balls

Tim Hardaway, former NBA All-Star point guard, recently declared "I hate gays" on a Miami radio station. This from a man who made a career as a ball-handler.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

"The Unnecessary use of Quotation Marks"

I am tiring of seeing quotation marks used incorrectly. Though I am no master of grammar and punctuation, I do think I have a decent sense of when to use quotation marks. Yesterday while I was riding the bus I saw a man wearing a jacket with his name stitched over the breast pocket. The name was in quotation marks. It read, "Brian." This made it appear as if Brian was not his real name, but perhaps just an alias or a name he liked to go by sometimes. Seeing a name in quotation marks reminds of a newspaper or magazine article in which a journalist is protecting some one's identity - "I met a friend of the suspect. I'll call him 'Brian.'" I now find myself "mistrusting" anyone who "overuses" quotation "marks." -Posted by "Ryan"

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Mannequin Porn

"How It's Made" is a show that the Discovery channel airs. It is just as the title suggests, a show about how everything from pencils to knives are made. It reminds me of the films that Mr. Rogers used to show in his magical picture frame, where we could visit, for example, a crayon factory. On tonight's show, they were revealing the process by which foam mannequins are made. The showed both a female and male form being produced. What I found strange was that they blurred out the breasts of the female mannequin. Is that really necessary? I mean, is it really indecent to show some foam in the shape of a breast? Are we that Puritanical? It wasn't as if the mannequin was being used in a sexual way. As for the male form, his "package," which was just a big lump, was out there for the world to see.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Prostitutes vs Hairdressers

Today I went to get a haircut. I get my haircut at a place called Dramatics NYC, where all the employees go by made up names. For example, in the past I have had my hair cut by Sparkle or Allure. One of the receptionists is named Fire. The problem is that if you tell someone you have an appointment with Saphire, it sounds like you are heading off to a brothel. I feel pretty silly referring to these people by their Dramatics NYC approved alias. "Hello, I'd like to make an appointment with Allure?" I find myself saying into the phone. I would use Allure's real name but I don't know it. They must force their employees to take a vow of secrecy regarding their real names because I have yet to hear someone mess up and say, "Hey Deb...I mean "Intoxication"... do you have any Pomade?" I often think about how a certain situation might be misunderstood if presented in a court of law. What if I was on trial for something and the prosecutor, in an attempt to attack my character said, "Is it true that for several years you kept appointments with a woman named "Seduction?" I would attempt to explain, "Well..." The prosecutor would interrupt, "Yes or no, Mr. Paulson." "Ah, yes, that is true. But it wasn't just her. I also met with Allure and Sparkle." One night at a performance of mine, I saw Sparkle in the audience. I had invited her to the show, but didn't actually think she would make it. I was so grateful that she came. I wanted to make sure I said thank you to her. After the show I saw her from across the theatre lobby, just about to exit. I yelled, "Hey Sparkle!" She turned around and gave me this look that said, "Please, don't ever call me that in public." The thing is, I don't know her real name. And when I think about it, I have been calling her Sparkle for so long that using her real name, whether it's Barbara or Shelly or Kate, just wouldn't seem right.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Mormons vs Christian Evangelicals

Gov. Mitt Romney of Massachusetts, a Republican presidential candidate, is (according to the New York Times and NPR) seeking to quiet concerns among evangelicals about his religion. Romney is Mormon, a religion viewed with suspicion by many evangelical conservatives. It seems that evangelicals are getting a little taste of how many of us view them - as being scary in their devotion to their religion and exhibiting a tendency to paint things in black and white. How scary would it be to have someone in the White House who believes that God hand-picked him for the office, that God talks to him and, leads him in every decision? Well, it would be about as scary as it is right now. A religious extremist in the White House? Never!